On Friday evening I attended Karla’s Cacao & Hape’ ceremony as I have never experienced this medicine with her and I have always been curious. I was a little nervous about the Hape’ as it is a tobacco that is blown into your nostrils and frankly from what I had seen on the internet it didn’t look enjoyable AT ALL .
I love and I trust Karla and have seen her blossom in so many ways in her work with this medicine so I guess my curiosity finally overcame any hesitation. I am naturally a curious spiritual seeker and anytime there is an opportunity to explore more deeply, especially with medicines that have been used for so long I want to see what secrets it may hold. What I have come to understand from these beautiful plants that God has placed on this Earth for us is that they are all very different and they all offer us a glimpse into ourselves and the mysteries of our Universe.
Karla was so loving, kind and informative I immediately felt at ease and was excited to experience it all. If you have never tried Cacao before, it is a beautiful heart opener and when used in a ceremonial and intentional way it opens you up to a deep feeling of love & connection. I was very much enjoying the sensations that the Cacao offers as I waited for my turn with the Hape’ and I prayed that the medicine would enter into my body easily and effortlessly each time I felt nerves rise up in the face of the unknown.
As my turn was upon me and the tobacco was blown up my nose the first few moments offer a very interesting feeling but as I took deep breaths and drew it into my system with faith and love in my heart I was overcome with immediate knowing of the power that we all hold within. As I lifted my arms to the heavens I felt as though the Universe was pouring back into me the power that I had allowed to seep out of me for the past year.
You see, I know this power and this connection intimately. I have done an immense amount of my own personal work that has brought me to a deeper understanding of who I AM and in that understanding comes the knowing of who we ALL are. This past year has been interesting and has challenged me in some incredible ways. I found myself once again faced with an Ego mind that wanted desperately to step back into the drivers seat of my life. It almost took me over once again and there have been intense times of struggle where I thought I was frankly losing my mind as my Ego battled with my heart for control.
For those that know me or even a little about my story you know that I dedicated myself to breaking through the Ego mind several years ago and after years of struggle on the spiritual path I finally broke through and awoke. I stepped into this journey of The Space from an absolute place of Surrender and Trust, I had no expectations or desires about what it would be. I simply felt a strong pull to be there in that 1 room. It has been nearly 5 years since I first stepped into what we now call the Clarity Room. For the first year I spent much of my time simply BEING in that space. I occasionally worked with clients when they found me but held no plans for the space and would meditate, dance and swim in the bliss of Divine Love.
In January of 2020 I decided to make it official and actually became an LLC…interesting year to start a business! Through all of Covid I stayed so connected to Spirit and never experienced any fear, I simply witnessed it all curiously to see what would happen. The larger room became available in June 2020 and I felt compelled to take it. For those that know me they know I never wanted a business. I just wanted to do my work, be with God and create a space where others could do the same.
As we came into being as a community Spirit was showing me such beautiful abundance in all things at The Space and I was enjoying it ALL. Over time though as I opened myself to more and more people & opportunities, I began to experience more and more difficulties and I longed for my time alone in that little room. I was seeing so many beautiful transformations taking place with people that found us and frankly that was the only thing that kept me from letting go and just going back to my own stillness and my own peace.
As I got busier and busier my own practice took a back seat to the business of The Space and in the still, quiet times I would hear and I would sense Spirit showing me what was going to happen if I continued this way. Being an Aries with a healthy Ego and always having a desire to DO something big and important in this world I continued driving forward putting the still, quiet voice to the background as I forged forward into vision and possibilities. Even as the situation began to show itself to me my Ego mind made excuses and created stories around why I should keep moving forward in a direction that frankly did not FEEL aligned anymore.
Finally, I experienced what happens when we do not honor what our own heart is calling for us to do. Breakdown. Several breakdowns in fact. I began to feel as though I didn’t know my own heart anymore and I couldn’t trust my own mind anymore. The deeper part that I had come to know as the I AM presence was there showing me truth through it all so I always felt supported and loved and held the knowledge that ALL things were happening for my highest good…thankfully I live from a place where I TRUST above all that God has my back and that everything that we experience is simply an opportunity to learn more about ourselves and to grow more fully into Divine Presence. This is the truth that holds it all together for me personally.
Finally I had a dear friend and spiritual guide give me permission to let it all go. To simply go back to my original intention…a space to do my work and hold space for others to do their work in whatever ways they are called. To have a space to simply BE in whatever way we are all called to be. We are larger now, we occupy the entire top floor as it was shown to me and several others from the very beginning. Of course the work of running a business will always be there but when we have the understanding that Spirit shows us the way it all becomes much more manageable and even the parts that usually aren’t so enjoyable can be approached with a sense of ease giving ourselves grace all along the way.
My dear friend Karla reminded me of the powerful guide that has been at The Space from the very beginning in that 1 little room. A Native American warrior & chief-like Spirit that has shown himself many times to many people all along. This space has never been mine. It was always a space that was calling to be used for others to find refuge and peace.
As the Hape’ pulsed through every cell of my body Spirit held me in the present moment and loudly proclaimed throughout my being to REMEMBER. Remember who I AM, Remember what this Space is, Remember that you are never alone, Remember that God is all you need, Remember the abundance that was shown. Once again, Surrender it ALL and Trust.
Since the day that my dear friend gave me permission I have felt a beautiful sense of ease with The Space again. I am laughing easily once again and I remember that this Space was build by Spirit and will continue to grow with Sprit and I personally only need to DO what my heart calls me to do. My practice has once again become the central part of my day and everything else that weighed so heavy has now lifted.
I am so grateful for this Space. I am so grateful for all the people that have come through this Space. I am most grateful for the people and the situations that have challenged me for they have provided me an opportunity to remember who I Am and what I really want.
My own personal daily prayer is inspired from a beautiful book called Christ Returns: Speaks His Truth.
“Mather/Father Life. You are my life. You are my constant support, my health, my protection, my provider of every need and aligned desire and my highest inspiration. I surrender my life into your care.”
This daily surrender fills me with a strength and a power that can only come through and with Divine Presence. I am once again interested to see what Spirit has for us along this beautiful journey and feel humbled by my place in it.
Much love and many blessings